you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize