youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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