he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
