...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
