he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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