The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
