meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
