Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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