I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They took my balls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
