be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
