At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
