ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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