i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
