its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Don't make out with my wife yet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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