Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
