My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
