"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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