I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will be naked everywhere
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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