The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
