i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
