Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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