My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize