please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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