using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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