He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
