I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
