My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
