if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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