Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
