I understand Curling. That high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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