your room smells of hookers.
And success
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3pm strippers are depressing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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