she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
