Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
