we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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