Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
