Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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