Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize