I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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