my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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