Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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