This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
