did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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