I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
