i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
