When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
