atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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