Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
