in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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