Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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