The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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