...so i touched it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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