Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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