he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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