i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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