Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Operation Purity has been aborted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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