I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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