I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
