WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
