Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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