I hate all girls vehemently.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
