escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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