OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
