I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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