I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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