she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
