Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
