its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
