tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
