after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
