True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
