My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
